Benson Speaks; Saints Spiral

The "Will they stay? Will they go?" Saints soap opera continued this past week when that public relations guru himself, Tom Benson, took out a full-page advertisement in the Times Picayune's Sports section about his intentions and to complain about all of the "taking his name in vain" that has been en vogue in south Louisiana as of late.

Titled, "Tom Benson Wants To Return To New Orleans," and not the much hoped for, "The Saints WILL Return To New Orleans," the owner emphasized his roots with the community by extolling his 8th ward background and the donations he has made to the area before droning about how Katrina affected his organization and the city and then patting himself on the back for not "downsizing," though his team has unofficially relocated.

Benson concluded his screed by making no promises about going back to New Orleans nor did he close the door to moving on the greener pastures. Also not addressed in his paid defense is the termination of the senior team executive who pushed hard to play most of the "home games" at Tiger Stadium.

Rather than offer the homeless yet hearty local Saints fans hope that the team will remain in Louisiana, the advertisement reinforced Benson's intention to keep his relocation options open, possibly to use the threat of moving as a bargaining chip when renegotiating with the financially strained state.

Or Benson has already made up his mind about staying put in San Antonio and is just angling for time while his legal team devises an exit strategy that will placate the NFL Commissioner's office, which has been more of a friend to New Orleans in the post-Katrina period than the city's "native son."

Benson's advertisement is nothing more than a carefully worded public statement intended to cause people to infer that the Saints are coming back to New Orleans, so be sure to buy those tickets for the Baton Rouge games. Amazing how an entire-newspaper page half-full of text could at the same time say so little.

Only days after Benson promulgated his "urbi et orbi," his taxpayer subsidized property did something that seemed heart-wrenchingly impossible after December 25, 2004: gave Nick Saban another win in Death Valley.

Despite the dwindling playoff hopes and the imminent move, Tiger Stadium's upper east side and north end zone were packed. But after two quarters of torturous play, the crowd showed more enthusiasm for the paper airplanes that made it from the nosebleed seats on to the field than the men on the field.

The team had numbed its fans so much that at one point, the upper east side looked like the Battle of Britain, with paper airplanes of all designs tossed by kids, senior citizens, and soccer moms alike.

Spectators were able to differentiate between the RAF and Luftwaffe representations as the latter were made from the page of the program with the Reichs-chiseler's picture on it.

Speaking of the Saints' game day program, the page containing the history of "Death Valley" did not have a photo of Tiger Stadium, but a picture of the venue where LSU played the Capital One Bowl.

How might you ask does a man consumed with his precious team allow his employees turn the second half of a football game into "arts and crafts" hour?

Perhaps if Benson was as concerned with making his team as competitive on the field as he feel they should be in the ledger book, Louisiana wouldn't have to subsidize his outfit.

But it's easier for him to extort tribute instead of putting competent people in place to produce results for his team, hence his satisfaction with a head coach who hasn't taken his team to the playoffs since 2000 and is too stupid to bench an obviously hurt quarterback who needed surgery at the end of the 2002 season and is currently performing like his jersey number.

The Saints have three more games in Death Valley. Governor Blanco, whose steeliness in handling Benson was one of her shining marks in office, is imploring fans to do their part to keep the team in Louisiana by packing the stadium.

I guess all of those losing seasons when people like me sold out the Superdome counts for nothing in 2005.

In the world of Tom Benson, all that matters is "what have you done for him lately."